


No Good Deed

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:39:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney makes a plan and waiting is the hard part. Other than John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Good Deed

********

Rodney waited three months, and for him, not a patient man, it was practically forever. It took him two minutes to make a plan, four days to get the jumper exactly the way he wanted it because Zelenka kept nosing around, a month to make up the elements that he thought he‘d need, and then he decided he couldn‘t rush things. John was giving him weird looks that had everything to do with things that were better off not talked about, so Rodney made up his mind to wait. Even if it killed him, and it might.

Six weeks in, and he was starting to sweat whenever he saw Sheppard, and that was bad. Very bad. Sheppard had those freaky eyes, sometimes brown, sometimes green, and he was starting to use them.

“Rodney, is there anything going on that‘s making you so jumpy?” Sheppard asked at breakfast.

“No, absolutely not. Totally not.” Rodney hid for three days after that, until Teyla came after him with snacks and Torren. Fortified, he went back to his regular schedule. Sheppard rolled his eyes and mumbled something about weirdos who had seen too many spy movies, and that was when Rodney realized that there was a huge flaw in his plan, and it was sitting across from him. “Crap.”

He was so distracted that he didn‘t notice that Ronon had stolen the fruit cup until an hour later, and then he didn‘t really care, which was wrong on several levels. He spent that hour trying to come up with a plan for ditching Sheppard without pissing him off, and that wasn‘t possible. As it was, they weren‘t – something – whatever they‘d been before Keller and other stuff that Rodney didn‘t want to remember too closely.

“Rodney, you are a very strange man.”

He shot Zelenka a dirty look. “I don‘t like waiting.”

“So don‘t.”

“Not exactly an option.” Rodney sulked and pouted for another month, avoiding Sheppard whenever possible and ignoring the strange looks. Sheppard seemed to get the message at some point because he stopped showing up in the lab, and that bit of blowback hurt more than Rodney was willing to admit.

The result was that he became so mean that he was surprised anyone was willing to speak to him. It helped that Carson came home several times from playing doctor in the wilds of the Pegasus galaxy, but Rodney became accustomed to people giving him a wide berth. He didn‘t worry about it. They didn‘t understand, couldn‘t really, and he wasn‘t going to take the time to educate them.

Only Sheppard worried him. Sheppard acted like everything was normal when they ran into each other or had a mission, but they both knew it wasn‘t, and Rodney couldn‘t wait for his plan to be over so they could go back to the way things had been before he felt guilty.

Eleven weeks, and he nearly gave up. Maybe it was time. But no, he gritted his teeth, buckled down, and waited. And waited. The day before his three month self-imposed waiting period, he went to see Woolsey.

“You, um, got a minute?”

Woolsey shuffled some papers before looking up. “Can I help you, Dr. McKay?”

Rodney was a terrible liar, and everyone on base knew it. He was very sure that someone had mentioned it to Woolsey by now. “There were some readings on MRX-346 that I wanted to check out.”

“I thought Colonel Sheppard said it wasn‘t warranted?”

“He did, but I have some vacation built up, and I‘d like to go, you know, study them.” Rodney shifted impatiently back and forth, waiting for Woolsey to say something intelligent.

“Alone?” Woolsey frowned. “Is that what you‘re suggesting?”

“I‘d take a jumper.” Rodney nodded. “I‘d be fine. Uninhabited planet, no scary wildlife. It‘d be like summer camp, only nicer? Anyway! I want to do this.” He forced himself to stop talking, but he could see which direction this was going to go. “Sheppard flies places alone all the time. It‘s not that big of a deal!”

“He‘s military, and a pilot, and still, I like to keep it to a minimum.” Woolsey shook his head. “I‘ll only approve it if you take a team.”

“Come on!” Rodney went ahead and yelled. “This is so unfair!”

Woolsey gestured at the door. “I‘m sure Colonel Sheppard would love to return to MRX-346.”

“Not really,” Sheppard drawled. “Is there a party we‘re missing?”

Rodney had known this would be the hardest part, and he made four different plans on how to get off Atlantis without anyone suspecting anything, but Sheppard was going to ruin them all. “Even I deserve a vacation!”

“How many years you got built up?” Sheppard smirked in that irritating way of his.

“A few.” Rodney was a genius, and he reminded himself of that twice before deciding he‘d ride this out and take the consequences on the other side. It‘d be worth it. There was no way that Woolsey would ship him back to Earth. “Woolsey, please, give me a jumper for a few days. I‘ll bring it back in one piece.”

“One waterlogged piece.” Sheppard never let him forget that. “I‘ll take him.”

That was the last thing Rodney wanted. He felt some sweat roll down his spine. “No! Forget it! I‘ll gate home and go to Vegas!” He stomped out of Woolsey‘s office, kicked Chuck‘s chair, and yelled at everyone in general, “Guess I‘m owned by the company store!”

“Rodney, settle down before you scare the new people.”

“No! I will not!” Rodney wasn‘t sure when his act had turned into reality. “Do you know how many-?” He stopped, unable to finish because it would hurt them both too badly. “You get to do whatever you damn well please!” He could see Woolsey coming across the bridge to watch the show. “I‘m supposed to be second-in-command here!”

Sheppard grabbed him by the arm. “You are. Now stop.” He got right in Rodney‘s face, voice low and intense. “I don‘t know what this is about, but that‘s enough.”

“Perhaps you should escort Dr. McKay to the infirmary,” Woolsey said.

“Fine. You can take me,” Rodney growled right back at him. “But remember that I tried to ditch you.”

“Colonel?”

“I‘ll take McKay on his little vacation. One hour, in the jumper bay.”

Rodney jerked away from him and hurried from stargate operations. He needed to puke from all that emotion and yelling and Sheppard looking menacing. This wasn‘t the way it was supposed to go. Woolsey should‘ve given him a jumper. It hadn‘t been all that much to ask.

“McKay, when we get planetside, I‘m kicking your ass,” Sheppard said through the radio tucked inside Rodney‘s ear. Rodney didn‘t bother to answer. An ass-kicking was the least of his worries. He‘d made up his mind to do this, and now he‘d see it through, and Sheppard wasn‘t going to spoil it.

Pulling out the already packed duffel bag, Rodney added a stunner. He made sure he had everything but intentionally left his gun behind. If he needed that, he was screwed. Oh, he was already screwed, and why the hell had he waited so long to do this in the first place?

Sheppard wasn‘t in the jumper bay when Rodney got there, and he lowered the hatch on Jumper Three without waiting.

“Let‘s take Jumper One.”

“No, I prepped this one with equipment.” Rodney put his duffel on the bench and looked around to make sure everything was secure. Sheppard slipped by to take the pilot‘s chair, and Rodney speared him with a glare. “I‘m not a child. I can be trusted with a jumper!”

“You‘re about as mature as my eight year old nephew, and not with _my_ jumpers. You have a tendency to drown them, crash them, and blow them up, and we don‘t have an unlimited supply!” Sheppard glared right back at him. “Now sit down!”

Rodney sat down in back, instead of taking shotgun. That argument had served its purpose. “You trusted me when we had to fly through an asteroid field!”

“No, I didn‘t.” Sheppard engaged the engines. “Flight, this is Jumper Three. Rodney‘s complaining so we‘re ready.”

“Funny, you jackass.”

“You‘re clear, Jumper Three, and I want six hour check-ins,” Woolsey said.

“People in hell want ice water,” Rodney mumbled, knowing it would complicate his screwed up plan.

“Will do.” Sheppard dialed the gate. “What are you mumbling about?”

“Shut up and drive.” Rodney unzipped the duffel bag at his side and waited until they‘re through the wormhole and safely on the ground near the ruins. He didn‘t want to do it this way, but he didn‘t have a choice now.

“You gonna get out?” Sheppard turned, and Rodney fired. There was a second where Sheppard looked amazed and then he crumpled. Rodney moved fast to get him in the other chair and take his gun.

“This is totally your fault.” Rodney felt his stomach complain about the stress. He munched a power bar while he zipped Sheppard‘s hands together. Oh, yeah, this was going to end badly. Getting out some rope, he took a page from Larrin‘s handbook and tied Sheppard to the chair. Sure, she looked hot, but she was evil. He liked that about her, in a panicky sort of way.

Sliding into the driver‘s seat, he made sure one last time that he was ready. His duffel bag was at his feet, and he shut the connecting door. “Here we go.” He dialed a gate on another planet that was deserted and got them moving. It was just a precaution, and once there, he dialed their real destination.

“Easy. Slow now,” he muttered to the jumper, going through the stargate at a pace that would be considered snail-like, but he wasn‘t taking any chances. Months of forward momentum made his precaution unnecessary, and he swallowed hard when he saw them. Bringing the jumper to a complete standstill, he watched them drift. There were no power readings. They were dead, so to speak.

Guilt was such a familiar emotion, but this one thing he was going to fix, damn it.

“Did you have a plan, or are we going to sit here until I die of hunger?”

Rodney jerked, grabbing up the stunner. “Just. Just stay still.”

Sheppard rolled his eyes. “I can manage that. Now. What the hell are you doing?” he yelled.

“Making it right.” Rodney vented the air from the back of the jumper. “This one thing I‘m going to fix. For good this time.”

“Ah, hell.” Sheppard groaned. “You sure you can pull this off?”

Ignoring that, Rodney opened the back hatch. He slowly brought the jumper about, but she was acting sluggish. “Sheppard, stop it!”

“You can‘t do this, Rodney!” Sheppard lunged forward, and Rodney sighed before stunning him again. Now that Sheppard‘s unholy attachment to the jumper was unconscious, Rodney had no trouble getting the jumper to back up. Watching the readings, he went slow and easy, but he winced when something – someone – bumped against the outer hull. It took slightly longer than he‘d anticipated, but he finally had her, and he shut the hatch. Wiping his brow, he re-pressurized the compartment and opened the door.

“Elizabeth,” he breathed, triumphant and scared.

“Rodney! Stop this right now!”

Rodney whipped around. “I have got to invent a better stunner!”

Sheppard lunged back and forth in the chair, fighting to get his hands free.

“Do I have to keep stunning you?” Rodney yelled. This was why he hadn‘t wanted the idiot to come with him.

“If you revive her, she‘ll take over this jumper and rescue the others. It‘s who she is!” Sheppard ground out.

“I know.” Rodney shut the doors again and locked them. “Now sit still, or I‘m hitting you with your gun!”

Bringing the jumper about again, he absolutely hated what he was going to do, but they were Replicators, and really it was probably kinder than floating in space forever. Or that was what he was going to tell himself every night for at least a month.

“Tell me the plan.”

“No,” Rodney said, dialing the gate. He had this bizarre image of rounding up cattle, winced, and appreciated Sheppard‘s silence because this was hard. Good thing he had thirty-eight minutes.

“Okay, I can‘t watch this any longer. Stun me, or let me help!”

Rodney wiped some sweat off his forehead. He was about ready to start screaming. “Why the hell didn‘t I spend the last six months inventing a tractor beam!”

“Like I know!”

“Son-of-a-bitch.” He grabbed his stunner and untied the rope holding Sheppard to the chair. Sheppard glared, and Rodney got far back when he was finished. Instead of hitting him, Sheppard jumped into the pilot‘s seat and took over. Rodney was somewhat reassured that there was no talk of cutting the zip tie. “I will stun you.”

“Kinda figured that out.” Sheppard sent one of them through the gate. “Reassure me that I‘m not sending them somewhere I like!”

“It‘s a gate near a sun,” Rodney said quietly. He steadied the hand that pointed the stunner at Sheppard.

Sheppard gave him a steady look. “Her power levels?”

“Minimal.” Rodney checked before answering and then groaned. “You are not giving me orders!”

“Says you.” John bit his lower lip and sent the last one tumbling through the gate. “Okay, where to now.”

Rodney stunned him again and stepped over him. “Sorry, Shep, but they can‘t blame you for what you don‘t know.” He dialed the gate, crossed his fingers, and took them through. When no huge cloud of energy showed up to blast him, he relaxed a little and flew them down to land in a field. Opening the connecting door, he took a minute to zip Sheppard‘s legs together. That done, he disabled the jumper so Sheppard couldn‘t fly them anywhere.

Taking a deep breath, he shifted his attention to Elizabeth. She looked frozen, and he knelt, touching her cheek lightly. “I‘m going to fix you.”

She didn‘t twitch, and he settled down next to her with his tablet and a water bottle. “I blame myself, but you knew that, and I know this isn‘t perfect, but it‘s all I got.” His fingers flew, but he double-checked everything. When he looked up, Sheppard glared from his position on the floor.

“Oh, you‘re awake.”

“Rodney, I swear, when this is over I‘m kicking your ass into the future!”

“Whatever,” Rodney said with a wave. He would worry about that after he finished worrying about Elizabeth‘s programming. “I‘m going to start upping her power levels now.”

“Don‘t. Take a minute and think about this. She made the choice.”

“No, she didn‘t. I re-activated her nanites. I put her on this course.” Rodney wiggled his fingers before pressing. That done, he yanked his duffel closer and rooted out what he needed.

“What‘s that?”

“Not going to tell you.” Rodney injected her with a special cocktail of nanites that he‘d cooked up himself. Satisfied, he looked over to see Sheppard trying to get a storage bin open without being heard. “Colonel, if you‘re hungry, just ask.”

Sheppard looked in the bin. “Where the hell are all the guns?”

“I took them out.” Rodney shrugged and went back to work. He liked what he was seeing, and it probably wouldn‘t be much longer before she was awake. His next problem was going to make the rest of this look like a cakewalk. “Did you want a gun?”

“Yes!”

Sighing loudly, Rodney got up, helped Sheppard sit on the bench and handed him his gun. “There. Are you happy?”

Sheppard‘s eyes were crazy, wide and dark. “Stop what you‘re doing, or I‘ll shoot.”

“No, you won‘t, but it‘s too late anyhow.” Rodney handed him a power bar and a bottle of water. Going down the ramp, he checked his watch. He had three hours before Woolsey would want a check-in, and that wasn‘t near enough time.

“Damn you, McKay.”

Turning, Rodney saw the gun back in its holster. “For this next part, I may have to stun you again, or knock you out. I really did tell you not to come. If I got even a smidgen of respect on Atlantis, I wouldn‘t have needed a babysitter!”

“Where are we?” Sheppard sipped the water. “And you _need_ a babysitter.”

Rodney wasn‘t going to tell him. “You‘re the one who‘s spent most of the year in the infirmary!”

“But you‘re the one who nearly died!”

“Which has nothing to do with why I‘m not trusted to take a jumper on vacation!” Rodney picked up his tablet, sitting back down. He saw Sheppard tense. “If you knock me out, you‘ll accomplish nothing. I disabled the jumper. It‘s dead until I fix it.”

“But it‘ll make me feel better!” Sheppard bellowed at him. Rodney busied himself with making absolutely sure that Elizabeth didn‘t have any functioning locator beacons or communication devices of any kind. So far, so good, no power fluctuations, and the damage from being exposed to space was healing.

“That‘s it. You can do it, Elizabeth.” Rodney could hear Sheppard chewing the power bar.

“It‘s not her,” Sheppard said quietly.

“It is, and you know it. You‘ve rationalized it all away so you can sleep at night, but we both know the truth.” Rodney let her power levels creep up without interference. Another hour, and she‘d be awake. He looked up and saw that Sheppard was furious.

“I would‘ve helped you, if you‘d have told me.”

“Don‘t lie to me. Lie to anyone else about her, but not me.” Rodney made sure the stunner was close.

Sheppard rolled his head back. “You could‘ve convinced me.”

“I doubt it. She‘s a risk, and that‘s enough to keep you from helping her.” Rodney put his tablet down and scavenged an MRE from his bag. He heated it up and began to eat. “So many dead. So many lost, but Elizabeth? We allowed it to happen, and what? She was supposed to hang in space forever? Waiting? And you know part of her thought we‘d come for her. Well, excuse me if this is the point at which Rodney McKay breaks!”

“And I thought this year had gone so well,” Sheppard said. “Have you seen the shrink lately?”

“Oh, shut up.” Rodney concentrated on eating, drinking his water when he was done. Stowing his trash, he went out to check the position of the sun. Going down fast, and it was going to get cold. Nothing was ever easy, and really, most of this was Sheppard‘s fault. Rodney stopped at the bottom of the ramp, watching Sheppard hop around, no doubt looking for a knife or the clippers that cut zip ties.

“Can‘t blame a guy for trying.” Sheppard sat down heavily. “Okay, you take these off, and I won‘t interfere.”

It would‘ve been easy to believe him, and Rodney considered it. “Your word?”

“Sure.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “You‘ll knock me out, tie me up, try to fix the jumper and take us home. Upon arriving at Atlantis, you‘ll no doubt toss Elizabeth back through a space gate.” He crossed his arms.

“Well, at least I know why you‘ve been acting so weird. I thought Keller was pregnant or something.”

“What?” Rodney was totally de-railed. “No! I was trying to do this without you knowing and getting all high and mighty!”

“Oh, good job.” Sheppard laughed. “Should‘ve watched more James Bond movies.”

To forestall stunning him again, Rodney grabbed his tablet and went back to work. He tried not to notice that Sheppard was staring.

“You probably had a couple of good points there.”

“You think?” Rodney made sure again that she couldn‘t replicate. Never hurt to be careful. Satisfied that he‘d done all he could – twice – he packed up his equipment and stowed it away. “Do you want to say goodbye to her, or should I stun you again?”

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. “You know I‘m going to tell Woolsey.”

“I‘m sure you will. I can only control what I do, and I‘m doing this. Which is it?” Rodney saw her fingers twitch. He raised the stunner, getting ready for Sheppard to lunge or something.

She sat up, and Sheppard raised his hands. “Don‘t stun me.”

“Okay, so sit and behave.” Rodney didn‘t believe it would happen. He‘d have to stun him at some point.

“Rodney, John?” Elizabeth‘s body – Fran‘s really – shifted, turning to molten silver, and then she was there. Rodney grinned happily. He‘d done that, given her back her image. She looked down, and then furrowed her brow. “Why am I here?”

“Because Rodney had a nervous breakdown of epic proportions.”

“Because I wasn‘t going to leave you there!” Rodney got up and waved the stunner at Sheppard. “You deserved better!”

“It was my decision.” Elizabeth examined her hands before brushing her hair back off her face. “I see you two are still arguing.”

“Nothing will ever change that.” John glared at him. “He screwed up.”

“No, I didn‘t.” Rodney wasn‘t going to spill the rest of his plan. “Elizabeth, say goodbye to Sheppard, not that he deserves it.”

She gave him a sharp look, rising to her feet. “Why are you doing this?”

“If he knows where you are, he‘ll find a way to throw you back into space, and I worked too hard for that to happen.” Rodney tried to sound reasonable. “Right, Sheppard?”

“She‘s a security risk.” Sheppard sighed. “I don‘t think I would, but-”

“They might make him.” Rodney could see her eyes flicking back and forth, assessing. “It‘s better this way. Please, Elizabeth, we need to get moving. Trust me, for once.”

Elizabeth stripped the stunner from his hand so fast that he squeaked in surprise.

“Yeah, didn‘t see that coming.” Sheppard smirked at him.

Rodney rubbed his hand, knowing his mouth hung open like a fool. “We can‘t discuss the plan where he can hear. Let‘s go out and talk. If you don‘t like my idea, we‘ll come up with plan B.”

“I‘m not the bad guy here. I would‘ve helped!”

After a moment, she nodded. “I‘ll listen. Either way, John, this is goodbye.” She hesitated and then clasped his hands. “I‘m sorry.”

“Me too.” John bowed his head and they touched foreheads gently. “Don‘t do anything stupid, and don‘t let him do anything dumber than he already has.”

“A promise.” Elizabeth handed Rodney the stunner. Rodney almost dropped it, and then he shrugged and stunned him again. She turned and tugged her red sweater down. “Rodney, what the hell are you thinking?”

“Chaya,” Rodney said. “She‘s your answer.”

Elizabeth didn‘t move for the longest time. Rodney began to think he‘d accidentally fried her circuits. She suddenly smiled. “You‘re right. Let‘s go find her.”

“That won‘t be necessary.”

Snapping his fingers, Rodney pointed his finger at her, standing at the top of the ramp and looking all glowy. “I knew you were around. Sheppard‘s like catnip for you, isn‘t he?”

Chaya didn‘t look amused, but then she never did. “There are rules, Dr. McKay, and I can not break them for your friend.”

“She‘s not human.” Rodney smiled, hoping to irritate her. “If I left a box of nails here, the other Ancient idiots wouldn‘t care. She‘s a box of nails. Nothing to see here, moving on.”

“Thanks, Rodney,” Elizabeth said with considerable sarcasm. She rubbed her forehead. “I‘m a Replicator with a consciousness. It turned out to be a terrible thing.”

“Sorta my fault.” Rodney talked fast, making her listen. “Elizabeth wants to learn how to ascend. You can help her do that, and you‘re lonely, and she‘ll be perfect company. She can‘t die.”

“I‘m lonely?” Chaya asked softly; her eyes on the still form of Sheppard.

Elizabeth moved to her. “Yes, you are. I am too.” She smiled in that way that always made Rodney‘s heart flip. “I‘m willing to help your people in any way I can.”

Chaya turned her gaze to Rodney. “I don‘t like you.”

“But this is a good idea.” Rodney knew she was going to agree. “Also, I took your gate address out of the databank on Atlantis. No one else will be coming through your gate, not from us at least.”

There was silence, and then Chaya extended her hand. “If you wish, Elizabeth Weir, you may stay. The others have agreed as well. You are outside the rules.”

Rodney grinned and something inside him healed, finally. “I fixed it.” He laughed when Elizabeth hugged him.

“You did, and thank you.” Elizabeth pulled away and glanced at Chaya. “I‘ll take the memory of where I am from him.”

“It would protect us, and perhaps, him.”

“Wait! No, no, no!” Rodney fired the stunner at them both, which did exactly nothing. He wiggled but Elizabeth was stronger than Ronon. She slid her hand in his head, and he screamed.

*********

 _Slap._ “Wake up, Rodney.” _Slap. Slap._

“Stop that!” Rodney rolled to his side and covered his face with his arm. He couldn‘t bear to look. “Where are we?”

“Hell if I know.” Sheppard started the process of pulling him up off the jumper floor. “You okay?”

“Head hurts,” Rodney mumbled, knowing why it hurt and not wanting to discuss it. He swayed on his feet, glad when Sheppard more-or-less shoved him in the co-pilot‘s chair. “Thanks.”

Sheppard smacked him upside the head. “That‘s for being a moron!”

“Ow!” Rodney cowered, protecting his skull. “I‘m not sorry!”

Silence made him look and Sheppard smacked him again. “You should‘ve told me!”

“We had this argument already!” Rodney kept his hands up. He wasn‘t getting hit again. “Just take us home!”

More silence, and Rodney refused to peek. “Is something broken?”

“Yeah,” Sheppard mumbled, but he powered up the jumper. “Where‘d you take her?”

Rodney opened his mouth to lie when his synapses misfired. “Um, I don‘t know.”

“You want to play it that way, we will.” Sheppard dialed the gate. “Atlantis, this is Jumper Three, requesting you lower the shield.”

Checking the equipment, Rodney leaned out of arm‘s range. “Where are we?”

“No clue, and shouldn‘t you know?”

“Colonel Sheppard! We‘ve been concerned. You missed your check-in.” Woolsey paused. “Twice.”

“What?” Rodney checked his watch – set to Atlantis time. “We lost twelve hours?”

“We had a small problem, but we‘re on our way now.” Sheppard took them through the gate, and Rodney embraced his confusion as they arrived in Atlantis. By the time the ramp was down, Woolsey and Lorne were waiting for them.

Sheppard gave Rodney another bop on the head. “Tell them where we were.”

Checking the log, it‘d been wiped clean, Rodney stared in confusion. His aching head made it worse. He struggled to remember, screwing up his face and trying to force his brain to work. “But I don‘t know.” He looked back at Woolsey. “Where were we?”

“You don‘t know?” Woolsey frowned. “Report to medical, and then I want you both in my office.”

Sheppard looked at Lorne. “Do you need to bring home any search parties?”

“A couple, sir.” Lorne grinned. “We‘re all relieved.”

Rodney felt like all their voices were miles away. His head hurt like hell, pain stabbing through his right eye. He got to his feet, swaying, and picked up his duffel. Sheppard took it from him.

“Don‘t know what else you‘ve got in there, so I‘m not taking any chances,” Sheppard said. He brandished the stunner. “Infirmary, McKay.”

Agony stabbed through his brain, and he doubled over, vomiting. He could hear them yelling – they were so loud his ears protested – but he couldn‘t do any of the things they wanted. Lorne and Sheppard finally slung him between them and double-timed it for the infirmary. Rodney hung limp between them, trying to make his feet work. The lights blinded him, Woolsey would not shut up, and his stomach protested every motion. When they finally stopped, he slid to the floor and vomited again.

“Get him up here, now!”

He heaved when they lifted him.

“Everybody out!” Keller‘s voice cracked like a whip through Rodney‘s skull. He screwed his eyes shut and swallowed bile.

“No, listen to me for a second. Check for nanites,” Sheppard‘s voice was smooth, like water, and not loud. “In both of us.”

Protesting with a scowl that it wasn‘t possible, Rodney tried to talk without his head blowing off. “Not nanites. Migraine,” he whispered. The lights began to flash on his eyelids, and he curled into a ball. It‘d been a while since he‘d had a bad one, and this one was ramping up to be a doozy.

If only he‘d pass out, but he was never that lucky. Woolsey‘s voice grated, the overhead lights pierced his eyeballs, every muscle pulled tight, and he could hear his teeth grinding. His stomach flipped completely over, and he breathed through his mouth.

“Shit, Doc. Do something for him,” Sheppard said.

She must have because everything faded away, and he woke up in the isolation ward. It was blessedly dark, and he wasn‘t fool enough to try to get up. He could feel the migraine in the back of his head – still there – dulled by medication. The muscles in his neck screamed nasty things to him.

“How are you feeling, Rodney?” Keller‘s voice was mild.

He turned his face towards her. “The usual mix of agony and embarrassment.”

“Scans indicated it was a ten on a scale of ten. Do you know what triggered it?”

“No.” But he had a suspicion that he‘d been drugged or mind probed or something bad. “But I don‘t remember how we got to that planet.”

“Well, try not to worry.” She gave him an awkward pat. “Good news is that you don‘t have nanites.”

“Of course not.” He tried to tug his blanket higher. “Sheppard‘s okay?”

“He is.” Keller sounded further away, and he didn‘t want to talk any longer. The disconnect between his mouth and brain was getting wider.

He lay there for what seemed like days, drifting in and out of sleep, hurting. No amount of complaining would make it better so he gritted his teeth and tried not to whine. When the pain broke, endorphins flooded his body, and he went completely boneless. Euphoria bubbled, and he smiled for no reason.

Exhaustion set in quickly, but it felt so damn good to not hurt. Real sleep took him by storm, and he woke up ravenously hungry. He was tempted to yank out the IV and run for the mess hall, but Keller was quick enough to catch him.

Instead, he gingerly sat up and stretched. He was going to live, always good news.

“Tell me where she is,” Sheppard said in a low voice. “I need to know.”

Rodney flinched and then saw him, lurking in a shadow. “Last thing I remember is picking her up,” he said softly. He rubbed his forehead. “I know I fixed it, but I don‘t know how.”

“We were on a planet. You woke her up. Sound familiar?” Sheppard moved closer. “You had a plan, and she said goodbye, and then you stunned me. Next time I woke up, you were passed out on the floor and I was free.”

“Were we on the same planet?” Rodney thought that all sounded vaguely right. Elizabeth had thanked him, but it was all a hazy blur, and he was reluctant to try to remember.

“How can I know? You kept stunning me!” Sheppard‘s anger was easy to hear.

“Colonel, I told you this could wait,” Keller said firmly, coming inside the room. “Rodney, is it gone?”

He nodded, feeling the holes in his brain where the pain had been. “Hopefully, it won‘t bounce back.”

“That happen often?” She began to examine him, and he caught Sheppard‘s look of disgust.

“About half the time it comes back for another round.” Rodney rubbed the back of his neck, trying to work out the kinks. “Can I eat?”

“Can you keep it down?” Keller checked his IV.

“I think so.” He was starved. Sheppard was still lounging about, and Rodney hoped the interrogation was over for the day. He was tired, and he didn‘t remember, and it wasn‘t fair.

“Doc, he doing okay?”

“So far, so good.” Keller smiled. “I‘ll send for a tray. Keep the food down, and you‘ll get out of here faster.”

Rodney wasn‘t sure that was an incentive, but he nodded. Sheppard shoved a chair close and sat down. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his iPhone, and Rodney had to say something. “How‘s reception in here?”

“Three bars.” Sheppard seemed distracted. “Woolsey is furious.”

“No surprise.” Rodney watched him fiddle with the phone. Modifying them to work on Atlantis had been a fun project, and while he wasn‘t sure people needed phones, they did seem to like them. Steve Jobs would be furious if he‘d known his system had been hijacked, but Rodney didn‘t bother with guilt. Technology should be shared, unless it was his, of course. Sheppard loved texting, and Rodney had never asked why the radio was harder to use.

“I wouldn‘t have told them if you hadn‘t …” Sheppard waved his hand at the bed.

Believing that wasn‘t easy. “Hard to keep a secret on Atlantis.” He shrugged. “Sorry about all the stunning.”

“You should be,” Sheppard growled.

Luckily, food arrived, and Rodney put off talking for eating. When he was done, he was tired, and he fell asleep almost instantly. Waking up pain-free was a huge relief, until he saw Woolsey‘s face. Sheppard gave him that look that Rodney had seen a thousand times before – he should shut his mouth.

Keller helped Rodney sit up. “I think you‘re ready to be discharged.”

He rubbed his head, testing for soreness and finding a couple of spots. “Okay. Yeah.” He wanted nothing more than some food and a shower, but that wasn‘t looking promising.

“Colonel Sheppard, escort Dr. McKay to his new accommodations while I review the list of charges.”

Rodney opened his mouth to protest, yell, and generally make his complaints known, but he paused. He‘d known there‘d be a price to pay, and he‘d put Elizabeth before all that. He got his feet on the floor and straightened his back, hearing the pops.

Sheppard hooked his thumb at the door, and Rodney shifted his eyes down. Woolsey had the look of the righteous about him, and it wouldn‘t pay to try to argue about it. Rodney trudged out the door, trying his best to look both repentant and miserable, even though he was only one of those. It was hard to trudge with no boots on, but he gave it a shot.

“I‘m not buying the act,” Sheppard said.

“It‘s not for you,” Rodney retorted. He picked at his scrubs. “You couldn‘t wait until I changed and had some food?”

“Woolsey was in a rush.” Sheppard shrugged. “Bureaucracy waits for no one.”

“Even though I don‘t remember what I did, I‘m still glad I did it.” Rodney stuck out his chin, glaring at two Marines who had fallen in behind them.

Sheppard was quiet a long moment, and then he said, “Me too.” He hesitated. “Officially, of course, I‘m outraged.”

“Of course.” Rodney went through the door that Sheppard opened. The room had a cot and a bathroom with no door, and Rodney sighed loudly. “Is this one of those new cells I got a memo about?”

“Yup.” Sheppard glanced around the tiny room. “I did the decorating myself. There are clothes over there in that drawer, and I‘ll have a tray sent. Don‘t bother asking for a laptop.”

The Marines bracketed the door, and Sheppard turned completely around as if he were preparing to leave. Rodney spotted the offered iPhone and palmed it quickly. “No laptop. Hey, can I have some boxers?”

“Not the ones with smiley faces.” Sheppard shut the door on him. Rodney looked around his tiny cell, knowing he‘d done the right thing, but it was bare comfort. Shrugging, he got some clothes, hid the iPhone, and went to shower. By the time he got out, there was a tray on his bed, and he wolfed it down.

Finished, he lay back and laced his hands behind his head. “I fixed it.” He‘d say it a hundred more times until it helped him deal with all the other people that had died because he‘d screwed up or because he‘d tried to do the right thing. Those were the ones that really hurt. He‘d saved Daniel, and thousands had died. Hell, Atlantis itself had almost been destroyed. “I fixed it,” he said again.

He kept that thought uppermost as he stared at the ceiling for hours. The guards changed, and he knew it was getting late. He snuck out the iPhone and curled around it, making damn sure it wasn‘t going to ring.

_U okay?_

The words were waiting for him, and he sighed before typing his answer. _Yes. U still mad?_

_Yup._

_Sorry._

_No, ur not._

Rodney thought long and hard before answering. _Sorry I couldn‘t include U. U know Y._

_U didn‘t trust me._

The words hurt but mainly because they were true. Rodney almost lied – it was easy to text lies – but he couldn‘t do it. _U would‘ve said no, and U don‘t trust me._

_Do 2._

_Do not. U say it all the time._ Rodney wished he could add a snort of derision. _U and Carson laugh at me. Crappy friends._ He wasn‘t going to add that even though they sucked, he was grateful to have them. Bad friends were better than no friends. He‘d learned that lesson well before he‘d ever gotten to Atlantis. Sure, it hurt when they laughed at him, but it was better than silence and glares. He‘d had enough of that for two lifetimes. Sheppard wasn‘t answering, so Rodney sent another message. _I‘ll take my punishment. Worth it._

“Rodney?”

Almost fumbling, Rodney hit off and tucked the phone in his BDUs before facing her. “Hi,” he said lamely. Keller smiled, and Rodney hurried to get off the bed and stand on his feet. “Any chance you have a power bar?”

Keller laughed. “I just wanted to check on your brain before I went to bed.”

“I‘m fine, I think.” Rodney hoped he was. “Sorry about the nanite scare.”

“I was worried.” She huffed out a tiny breath.

“Sheppard really has no understanding of the subject. I was never in any danger and neither was he. Elizabeth couldn‘t infect us. I know because I wrote her baseline program. Fran, you know? It wasn‘t possible.” Rodney took a deep breath. He looked down and wished for shoes. It was hard to be taken seriously when he was barefoot. “Anyway, you doing okay?”

“Of course.” She smiled. “We‘re all worried about you. What you did was wrong, but I think all of us understand.”

“It wasn‘t wrong,” Rodney said, raising his chin. “I wish I could remember what happened.” He sank down on the bed and rubbed his head. “Sheppard remembers more than me.”

Now she frowned. “Are you serious? Woolsey was sure you were lying.”

“I‘m a terrible liar.” Rodney gave her a small glare for her lack of faith. “I had a plan, but I don‘t remember what it was, and I wonder if I wrote it down anywhere.” He snapped his fingers several times. “I usually do!”

“Whatever, but I want to do a couple more brain scans before we call it a night.” She went to the door. “I need him back in the infirmary.”

“Yes, ma‘am.”

“Well, come on!” Keller didn‘t seem to notice his reluctance. He only went because he could wheedle coffee out of someone. Keller made the Marines wait at the door, and Rodney went straight for the coffee pot. She waited until he‘d downed most of it before starting the tests, and he would admit to being curious about the results.

“Results are conclusive. You show the same type of brain trauma that occurs after a human is probed by a Replicator.”

“Son-of-a-bitch,” Rodney said. “She took my memories!”

“Most likely.” Keller refilled his coffee and brought it back to him. “It probably triggered your migraine.” She encouraged him up on a gurney and attached several leads to his forehead. “Relax, you‘re staying here tonight.”

Usually, he‘d pitch a fit, but he was in no rush to spent the night in that sorry cell. “Okay, if you insist.”

“I do.” She patted him on the arm. “Go to sleep, if you can after downing all that caffeine.”

“Puts me right to sleep.” Rodney was glad she dimmed the lights as she left, and he dug out the iPhone to see if he had any messages.

_U there?_

_Doc took me 2 hospital._

_On my way._

Rodney was going to send a note to tell him not to bother, but he doubted Sheppard would listen. The guy wasn‘t famous for it. Sure enough, a few minutes later, Rodney heard Sheppard having words with his Marines, something along the lines that he should‘ve been informed.

Sheppard had a glare for Rodney too. “What the hell is going on?”

“Not my fault!” Rodney couldn‘t help but protest. “She wanted to run a couple more tests.”

“So?” Sheppard leaned into it.

“Well, as it turns out, I can‘t remember because Elizabeth most likely stuck her hand in my head, rummaged around, and pulled out the information of where I left her.” Even in the dim light, Rodney could see Sheppard‘s eyes flare. “Minor brain trauma,” he finished with a mutter.

“I‘m shocked!” Sheppard was a master of the casual sarcasm. “Betrayed by a Replicator!”

“It was Elizabeth!” Rodney made sure to glare his hardest right back at him. “And you know it!”

Their gazes locked, neither of them backed down. Finally, Sheppard waved his hands in the air and stomped out of the infirmary. As a comeback, it was pretty lame. Rodney pulled the blankets high and shut his eyes tight. Maybe when he woke up, things wouldn‘t be worse.

********

Keller woke him up early, ran the tests again, and turned him loose. The Marines obviously had their orders because they took him to Woolsey‘s office. Sheppard wasn‘t there, and Rodney hated that his first thought was for him.

“Dr. McKay, feeling better?”

“Yes,” Rodney snapped. He crossed his arms over his chest, wished for shoes again, and waited for Woolsey to start complaining. It didn‘t take long, and Rodney could see by the occasional hesitation that Woolsey expected him to yell and protest.

“Do you have anything to say in your defense, Dr. McKay?”

“No.” Rodney didn‘t give a damn what Woolsey and IOA thought.

Woolsey raised his eyebrows, waiting. He broke first. “Nothing?”

“No.” Later, oh, later, Rodney would have plenty to say.

“I spoke with Colonel Sheppard at length.” Woolsey paused and shuffled his stupid papers. “He didn‘t recommend leniency, which was a surprise.”

“I stunned him a bunch of times. He‘s petty that way.” Rodney ached to get up, to move. “I‘m hungry. We done?”

True surprise showed on Woolsey‘s face. “You do realize that you‘ll be going home on the Daedalus, right? To face charges? Your career is over?”

Rodney didn‘t give him the satisfaction of saying one single word.

“I‘m starting to think we can plead temporary insanity,” Woolsey mumbled. He slapped his pen down on the table. “Doctor, give me something!”

It was an interesting request, and Rodney considered it at length, and words didn‘t fail him. “I‘ve been responsible for the death of thousands of people, thousands of Wraith, and millions of Replicators since I took this job.” He leaned far forward and enunciated very clearly. “I was not going to add Elizabeth to that list!” He slapped his hand down on Woolsey‘s desk. “I‘ve lost too much!”

Woolsey blinked; his face slack with something that might have been amazement. “But you didn‘t just risk your own life,” he said softly.

“You don‘t trust me off this base without a babysitter,” Rodney ground out through clenched teeth. He grabbed his temper with both hands and reined it in before he began to scream. “No one trusts me, and I find it very hard to blame them. I might kill another couple thousand people before breakfast.”

“I see.” Woolsey got to his feet slowly. “Go eat. We‘ll discuss this more later.”

“I‘m finished talking. Do what you want.” Rodney hurried, going straight to the mess hall and its mediocre coffee. His guards didn‘t try to stop him, not that they could‘ve. He was hungry and even Ronon better look out.

Ronon and Teyla had been noticeably absent since Rodney‘s return, but for all he knew they could be off-world. He grabbed a table outside and concentrated on eating. The silence in the mess hall was probably on his account, and he made sure he looked angry, not downtrodden. Nobody stepped on Dr. Rodney McKay, except for his few friends, and he was mostly okay with that.

Slowly, his table began to fill up. Zelenka and Simpson were first, and then Keller, and that meant Ronon wasn‘t far behind – he never gave up – and Teyla had both Torren and Kanaan in tow. Lorne drifted over and sat down, but no one said anything. Rodney kept waiting for criticism, something, and they all met his eyes firmly, but that was it. The sound of munching was incredibly loud.

“Woolsey is sending me to Earth,” Rodney said quietly. He couldn‘t stand the silence any longer. Their reactions were easy to read; rolling eyes, snorts, and Ronon gave a grunt, but Rodney wasn‘t sure what it all meant. “Seriously, you guys can make a joke or something.”

“The situation is not amusing,” Teyla said.

“Elizabeth, she is fine?” Zelenka asked.

Rodney hoped so. “Yes. I don‘t remember where I left her, but that‘s probably a good thing. Her body hadn‘t suffered much damage from space. I mixed up a batch of nanites to speed repairs and give her a greater ability to heal herself.”

Keller swallowed hard. “We did that to her.”

“It was the only way to save her life,” Rodney said, having said it a few dozen times before. “It was right, but it was wrong, like everything I‘ve done in this galaxy, but hopefully, I fixed it.”

“She didn‘t deserve to float in space. The others should‘ve been vaporized.” Ronon‘s words, soft and harsh, dropped into the silence.

“We did that,” Sheppard said, plunking his tray down. “Rodney nearly hit the gate twice, but I took over and finished the job before we died tragically.”

Of course they laughed. Sheppard‘s delivery was perfect, drawled and casual. Rodney saw them all look to him for the next round. They expected him to fire back. It was what Sheppard and Rodney did. For some reason, it didn‘t seem fun today. If he knew for sure they were laughing _with_ him instead of _at_ him, maybe he could work up some energy, but he didn‘t know. He never had, and playing along wasn‘t possible, not today.

“Rodney?” Zelenka asked.

“Just wondering who you guys will laugh at when I‘m gone.” Rodney eased to his feet – the floor was cold – and took his tray to the dirty pile. He refilled his coffee before going to his Marines. “You guys ready?”

They gave him an odd look, and then the bigger one nodded. “You should grab some power bars. Don‘t want your hypoglycemia acting up.”

“Good idea.” Rodney did appreciate a smart soldier. He filled his pockets, even grabbed an apple, and didn‘t glance in the direction of his friends. Or Sheppard. His guards let him stop at his quarters and get shoes, and he put them on with relief. It was hard to feel human when he was barefoot. They escorted him back to his cell, and he tossed all the power bars in the drawer with his clothes.

Staring at the bare walls, he sighed. He‘d have to get used to being bored. His iPhone vibrated, and he went inside the bathroom so he could look at it in semi-privacy.

_Y U leave?_

“God, Sheppard, you are a moron.” Rodney almost didn‘t answer, but he really didn‘t have anything else to do. _Y R U so stupid?_

_Woolsey is not sending U to Earth._

_Right._ Rodney went ahead and agreed with him. _Can U bring me some coffee? W8, bring me a coffee pot._

_L8tr._

Disgusted, Rodney turned it off and went to stretch out on the bed – cot – whatever. It was going to be hell on his back.

Those three months he‘d waited to rescue Elizabeth had lasted almost forever but nowhere near as long as the day he was currently living. He, literally, did nothing. Oh, sure, he played a game of golf on the iPhone, but it was incredibly boring without someone to mock him.

Lunch was a delivered tray with coffee and a bottle of water, and he wanted to complain but the Marines were two guys he‘d been on missions with, and he couldn‘t bring himself to do it since they looked guilty. Normally, that wouldn‘t have stopped him, but he still had a headache.

After he ate, he gave them back the tray. “Can I get some Tylenol?”

“We‘ll call for it.”

“Thanks.” Rodney went back to staring at the walls. He had serious doubts that he‘d survive two days of this, much less the years the IOA had planned for him.

When the door opened, he nearly rushed out, desperate for a breath of air outside his box. He caught himself before he bowled over Keller. Her eyes were wide, and she raised her hands as if to ward him off.

“You okay?”

“A little claustrophobic, maybe?” Rodney tried to take several deep breaths, but his lungs weren‘t exactly cooperating.

Keller put her hands on his shoulders. “Breathe. Close your eyes. Breathe.”

“Blue skies. Blue skies,” he whispered, trying to make it true. When he could breathe again, he opened his eyes. “Thanks. Did you bring coffee?”

“You have a caffeine headache.” She went back to the door. “Can you get Rodney a case of water?”

They looked confused but nodded, and Rodney had to protest. “But I want coffee!”

“I don‘t think Colonel Sheppard is going to let you have a coffee pot. Your blood pressure is high anyway.” Keller smiled brightly, and it was easy to glare at her. How dare she be chirpy when he was incarcerated and caffeine-depleted? She kept her smile. “When you get out, we‘ll get a beer.”

Rodney had no idea if she was putting the moves on him again, or if she had lost her mind. “Didn‘t we break up?”

“We said we‘d be friends!”

“Women always say that to me, and then they get restraining orders or throw shoes at me.” He took another deep breath. “I think I need a Xanax.”

“Oh, Rodney.” Keller snagged a bottle of water from the case that the guard put in the corner. She dropped two pills in Rodney‘s hand. “Drink lots of water. It‘ll help.”

“What would help is getting out of here!” Rodney popped them in his mouth and opened the water. He drained it before coming up for air. “If only that was vodka.”

Keller laughed. “Relax. Pretend you‘re on vacation.”

He slumped down on the cot. “Go away. You‘re obviously insane.”

“I‘ll spread the word that you‘re fine.” She took her time leaving, and of course he watched her ass. What else did he have to do? Groaning, exhausted from doing nothing, he decided to take another shower. Being clean was always a good thing. He ended up on his butt in the shower stall, letting the water drip over him and trying to find the courage to assess his life. The water trickled down the drain, and he felt his breath hitch, almost a sob.

“Stop it,” he said firmly to himself. It usually worked, but he felt the tears in his throat. He swallowed several times, refusing to break down. The people they‘d lost deserved better than him crying like a baby. Faces of people he‘d seen die flickered through his mind, and while he knew he was owed a nervous breakdown, he didn‘t think they would approve. Rubbing his face hard, he leaned into the corner, shut his eyes, and tried to remember why he‘d come to Atlantis in the first place. He was pretty sure it wasn‘t to kill people, Wraith, or Replicators. Turning on the Replicator attack code had killed so many, and he‘d done it for all the right reasons, underestimating the Replicators creativity and willingness to kill people to get the job done.

It was the story of his life here in the Pegasus galaxy. Trying to save Daniel, he‘d been responsible for a number of gates exploding, and the idea of facing Larrin made him want to hide under Ronon‘s bed. She was pissed, and he was to blame for that gate exploding. If she even gave Sheppard a glare, he‘d tell all. Sheppard was in her pocket, and she‘d gut Rodney like a fish. Then they‘d have a good laugh and wild sex in leather.

“Rodney! What the hell?”

Jerking, he hit his head on the tile. “Ow!” And then the water was off, and John was hauling him up by very naked skin. “Stop touching me!”

“Were you trying to drown yourself?” John yelled, pushing towel after towel at him. Rodney clutched them to his chest and stared in honest amazement. John grabbed a towel back and started drying him. “Do I need to put you on suicide watch?”

“Uh …” Rodney‘s brain stalled completely because he was naked, and John was touching him, and John was touching him.

“I‘ll get Woolsey to let you see the shrink.” John put a towel over Rodney‘s head. “The water wasn‘t even that warm!”

“It wasn‘t?” Rodney shivered now that he was thinking about it. “You turned off my hot water?”

“No!” John dried Rodney‘s back and lower parts, and Rodney found that he couldn‘t move an inch. He‘d just stand there and shake and shiver. John scrubbed harder at Rodney‘s skin. “You must‘ve thought it colder or something.”

“I was a little distracted.” Rodney gripped the towel in front of his groin a little tighter, practically grinding it into his boys. “What‘re you doing here?” he yelled, losing his rational mind from all the touching, touching, touching. “Seriously!”

“You freaked your detail when you never came out, and they called me. I sent them to take a break.” Sheppard was talking faster than normal. He yanked the blanket off the bed and wrapped it totally around him. “Do you like spending the night in the infirmary?”

Stunned by both the volume and Sheppard‘s intense eyes, Rodney crashed on the cot and pulled the blanket tight. At least his bits were covered. Pulling his legs up, he sat Indian-style with a towel on his head. He was keenly aware that he looked ridiculous.

“Rodney, talk to me so I know your big brain isn‘t frozen!”

“Stop yelling at me!” Rodney blurted out the first thing to pop in his head. Sheppard sat down next to him, grabbed him by the hand, and started rubbing. It felt good, but it was beyond alarming. “John?”

Sheppard looked up and their eyes met. Rodney felt his lips moving again. “I‘m sorry I didn‘t tell you.”

Eyes darted away and then back. Sheppard swallowed hard. “Well, okay then. I loved her too.”

Rodney was pretty sure he‘d never heard the word ‘love‘ come out of Sheppard‘s mouth for anything other than steaks and movie marathons that involved lots of explosions. “I had to do it.”

“I know.” Sheppard switched to Rodney‘s other hand. “You did good,” he muttered, “at least I think you did, since I don‘t really know.” He glared now. “I‘d feel better if you remembered!”

“If you‘d give me my laptop, I could check for a plan or something,” Rodney wheedled. He stopped staring at Sheppard‘s lips and let his gaze drift down to his hand. It was warm now, very warm, and it was spreading up his arm. He snuggled the blanket around his legs and tried to think. Maybe his brain _was_ frozen. “Jennifer was here.”

“You guys getting back together?” Sheppard asked without yelling.

“What?” That question came out of nowhere and smacked Rodney in his cold face. “Um, no? Did you hear something?”

“No,” Sheppard snapped. The word bounced off Rodney‘s forehead; Sheppard spat it out so hard. Rodney scrubbed his face with the towel. He was warmer, better, and he ought to be able to think of something intelligent to say. Sheppard ducked his head and took his hands away. “I‘m not a crappy friend.”

“You so are. You laugh at me all the time. Everything I do you find a way to make it a big joke. It‘s like your major pastime is noting my activities and thinking up snippy comments that make me look stupid. Oh, and you‘re really good at it.” Rodney flushed, afraid he was destroying what friendship they had.

The silence wasn‘t reassuring. Sheppard got to his feet slowly. “I‘m going to get you some coffee.”

“I take it all back,” Rodney said quickly. “You‘re my best friend, ever.”

Sheppard‘s shoulders slumped. “That makes one of us pathetic.” He hurried out the door before Rodney could say – yell – anything else. Rodney knew which one of them was pathetic, and it wasn‘t the guy with plenty of hair. Giving his own hair another rub, he kept the blanket around him as he dug out sweats and a T-shirt, socks too. He dressed hurriedly, kicking the towels in the bathroom and wrapping up in the blanket again.

Curling up on the cot, he rubbed his hands together and felt guilty. He shouldn‘t have told Sheppard any of that stuff, and hopefully there was time to take it back. It was the coffee that Rodney spotted first, and he drank half of it before looking to see if Sheppard were laughing at him. Sheppard had a funny look on his face and a pot of coffee in his hand. Rodney licked his lips.

“I _could_ love you.”

“No wonder you keep breaking up with pretty ladies.” Sheppard should‘ve sounded mocking, but instead his tone was matter-of-fact. Rodney blinked, opened his mouth, shut it, and considered it all again. He came up with nothing so he drank more coffee. Sheppard refilled it when it was empty, and this time Rodney blew on it before gulping.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.” Sheppard sat the pot down on the floor, far away from their feet. He leaned against the wall and sighed. “This sucks.”

Rodney gave him a cautious look. Of course it sucked. “You never date anyone.” His mouth didn‘t always cooperate with his brain. “You get laid off-world occasionally but not here.”

Sheppard frowned. “And this is important, why?”

“Not sure.” Rodney hid behind his coffee. He would think about it. He‘d have time. “You don‘t suck,” he said and wanted to clap his hand over his mouth once it popped out. “I‘m just a little upset.”

There was a beep at the door, and Sheppard got it with one hand swipe. It was Zelenka with a tray of food balanced on a laptop. He took two steps and stopped. “It smells damp in here.”

“Rodney tried to drown himself.” Sheppard rubbed his forehead. “I have a meeting.” He left, but the door stayed open, and Zelenka stared after him.

“I took a long shower. He weirded out on me. Give me the food.” Rodney snapped his fingers three times and reached. “Be careful of the coffee pot.”

Zelenka sat the laptop down. “I will be back. This is …” He waved his hand and switched languages, and Rodney ate instead of watching him wander away. About the time the food was gone, Zelenka was back with a desk. Simpson had a chair, and Miko had a Bunsen automatic coffee maker. Rodney stared, estimating how long it would be until Sheppard made them take it all back.

“I don‘t want you guys to get in trouble.”

“You are stupid man.” Zelenka said that a lot. It didn‘t mean much. Teyla wandered in with another blanket and plunked Torren down in Rodney‘s lap. The little room was very crowded, but they were chatting as if Rodney wasn‘t there. Torren grabbed him by the nose, and he laughed softly.

“Instead of playing with child, help with equations.”

“I can do both.” Rodney shrugged the blanket off, slung Torren under his arm, and went to sit in front of the laptop. Torren gurgled, and Rodney put him on his knee. “Look, Torren, grief at my fate has obviously clouded their minds because they‘ve all lost the ability to do simple physics!” He bounced him gently, deleting and rewriting at a frantic pace. Sheppard could show up at any moment and take the laptop away. Simpson and Teyla were whispering, but he ignored that. Zelenka pointed and grunted several times, and Rodney fixed those spots.

Torren smelled good, and Rodney rested his cheek on the child‘s head for a bare moment, hoping no one noticed. No one seemed in a hurry to leave, and he worked steadily through the problems. Teyla exchanged Torren for a piece of cake, and Rodney smiled his thanks.

“Power consumption levels are too high,” Zelenka said loudly.

Lost in the wonder that was cake, Rodney flinched. “So what did you turn on?”

“Nothing!” Zelenka scrubbed his already crazy hair. Rodney hummed around his bite and shrugged. His options were limited with one laptop and no access to stargate operations. The cake really was very good, and he finished it reluctantly because he couldn‘t get more. Zelenka sighed. “Turn things off until we find something?”

“That‘s about it, unless you can spring me to stargate operations.” Rodney went ahead and licked the plate. “Or take Sheppard around and have him think ‘off‘ at everything. That works sometimes.”

Zelenka cursed in Czech, and Rodney checked his email, deleting all the usual crap and sending off a few quick replies. When he turned around, his room – such as it was – had emptied, and he frowned in confusion for a moment before returning to the laptop. Now he took his time, answering questions in more detail and opening a game of Free Cell. The power drain was a mystery, but those happened regularly on Atlantis, and Woolsey was sending him back to Earth.

Earth. The realization that he really didn‘t want to go swept over him, and yes, he was a dunce, but he‘d been busy freaking out over other things.

“Crap,” he whispered, flipping cards from one stack to the other without hesitating. The good news was he could see his family, and Jeannie would understand, even if she did smack him on the forehead. He‘d quit the military industrial complex and retire to Canada. Atlantis would get along without him. Sheppard would regret losing the butt of most of his jokes, but he‘d get over it soon enough.

“Rodney, lad, what have you done?”

Rodney turned so quickly he nearly fell out of the chair, bounding to his feet to cover his confusion and surprise. “Carson!”

“Aye.” Carson hugged him even though they didn‘t do that. “Tell me what the hell you did!”

“Oh, that.” Rodney sat in the chair and waved him to sit on the bed. “You doing okay? No Wraith chasing you?”

“Not lately.” Carson didn‘t smile, but he looked fine. More and more, his clothes were leather, and he‘d begun to look like a smaller version of Ronon without the scowl and the sword. “Tell me, Rodney.”

“All of it or just the parts that Sheppard is using for jokes?” Rodney crossed his arms.

Carson glanced about. “Is that real coffee?”

“You‘ll have to use my cup.” The words were barely out before Carson was pouring and crooning over it like a long-lost lover. Rodney couldn‘t help but smile. He knew that feeling oh so well. “Should I leave you two alone?”

“Details, please.” Carson took a sip and groaned. “Don‘t leave anything out.”

“Okay, but no laughing until I‘m finished.” Rodney told the story in full detail right up until it all went hazy. “From there, I‘m not so sure because Elizabeth stuck her hand in my head and took the memories of where I left her.”

Stunned wasn‘t a good look on Carson. “She didn‘t!”

“Yeah, Jennifer found evidence I‘d been probed. It triggered a migraine – a bad one.” Rodney took the cup back and refilled it for him. “I have a few power bars, want one?”

“That would be lovely.” Carson smiled when Rodney tossed a few on the bed. “I love the oatmeal ones.”

“I know.” Rodney wasn‘t handing over the peanut butter flavors. “So when the migraine was over, they brought me here. Woolsey is shipping me home on the Daedalus.”

“Why not just shove yer wee ass through the gate?”

Rodney tilted his head. “Good question. I don‘t have an answer. Maybe he‘s making me suffer. He‘s vindictive like that.”

Carson took a big bite and chased it with coffee. “Colonel Sheppard is angry, I take it?”

“I apologized for all the stunning and not telling him.” Rodney narrowed his eyes. “Wait a second. He must‘ve called you.”

“That he did.” Carson finished the power bar and nursed the coffee along. “But Ronon met me in the gate room. Ronon said, and I quote, ‘McKay screwed up.‘”

“But I fixed it,” Rodney said, lifting his chin and crossing his arms. “She‘s not floating in space for eternity. She can … do whatever it is I arranged because I‘m a genius, and I must‘ve thought of something brilliant.”

“I‘m sure you did.” Carson didn‘t laugh or smirk. “Do you still miss me?” He rushed on, “The original me?”

Stunned, Rodney struggled to find an answer. He went with the truth. “Yes.”

“Aye, I thought so. Now I‘m no Dr. Heightmeyer, rest her soul, but I think you were damn sick and tired of feeling helpless.” Carson emptied the mug and handed it to him. “Thank you for the coffee, and I‘m glad I don‘t have to picture her in space, cold and alone any longer.”

“Me too.” Rodney refilled the cup for himself this time. “Well, this was fun. You get with Sheppard and spin this into a few dozen jokes, and I‘ll see you again if I can steal a ship and get back to this galaxy.”

Carson ducked his head and scrubbed at his face. “Rodney, we only laugh because we‘re your friends.”

“So what do my not friends do? Make fun of me?” Rodney didn‘t want to discuss this. “Thanks for stopping by and eating my food.” He meant that, and Sheppard was right. Rodney was pathetic. “Be safe out there, okay?”

“I‘m going to hang around for a few days. I need to meet with Dr. Keller about a few things, including your head.” Carson got up and stretched. “Get some rest. Don‘t be staying up all night on the computer.”

“Battery will go dead before that happens,” Rodney groused and palmed open the door for him. “You get some sleep too.”

“Will do. ‘Night, lad.” Carson snitched another power bar before he left, and Rodney regretted saying all that stuff. It wasn‘t like the old days when he could pester Carson whenever. Taking his coffee, Rodney went back to the laptop. He‘d write his resignation letter and pretend he wasn‘t being sent home in disgrace.

*********

“Breakfast?”

Jerking, Rodney yanked the blanket over his head to block out the sight of a cheerful colonel. He wasn‘t sure even food could get him up today. It wasn‘t as if he had anything to do.

“There‘s bacon and cinnamon rolls.”

Hopping, he put on the other shoe and palmed the door open. “Well, come on! And you better not be lying, and you do realize that this is the crappiest security ever, right? Hello! The door opens from the inside!”

“Where would you go?”

Rodney looked over his shoulder. “There weren‘t even any guards!”

“But you didn‘t know that.” Sheppard smirked, not increasing his speed even a little. Rodney forged ahead, leaving him in the dust. After breakfast – a big one – he‘d take a nap. There _was_ bacon, and Caldwell sauntered over as Rodney took a huge amount.

“I happened to find that in ship‘s stores.” Caldwell almost smiled. “You have my gratitude, Dr. McKay.”

“I do?” Rodney stuffed a piece in his cheek before hurrying to the cinnamon rolls. He got two, shocked when no one protested. Stopping, he really looked at him. “I had to do it.”

“We don‘t leave our people behind.”

“Or in space, as the case may be.” Rodney snagged a big mug of the Athosian juice he liked, not citrus, but very sugary. “You eat?”

“I did.” Caldwell gave him a casual salute and strolled away. Rodney stared after him long enough that Sheppard had time to catch up.

“A sugar and fat high in a tiny room. I better get more security ‘cause you‘re gonna be bouncing off the walls.” Sheppard hadn‘t lost his smirk.

“That Caldwell‘s not a bad guy.” Rodney munched another piece of bacon – lovely bacon – as he took his usual spot at his table. He might have noticed a few other salutes being thrown his way by military who he recognized as original members of the expedition. He could feel a small flush of embarrassment moving it‘s way up his neck. He‘d done it for her, not them, but he could admit that it felt good to do something right for a change. If only he could remember it.

Sheppard sat down across the table with a full tray of his own. “You saw Carson?”

“You called him?” Rodney pretended not to know.

“Thought you could use a friend.” Sheppard didn‘t look at him. Rodney rolled his eyes, trying not to feel guilty. Everyone knew that he and Sheppard were best friends, except for Carson. Saying anything would only sound ridiculous. Rodney had opened his big mouth, and now he‘d have to live with the poutiness for about ten years.

Word about the bacon spread like wildfire through the base; Lorne and Zelenka almost coming to blows over the last of it. Rodney would‘ve put his money on Zelenka any day of the week – sneaky Czech bastard.

“Lorne would‘ve taken him down.”

“You are so wrong.” Rodney gave Sheppard two pieces of bacon as some sort of piece offering, weathering the very dirty look that Zelenka gave him. Sheppard handed one to Lorne, and Rodney lifted his hands. “I didn‘t do it.”

“You will be in lab today, yes?”

Sheppard answered for him. “No, he won‘t. After he eats, he‘s going to Interrogation.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Rodney nearly got up and ran, but he had a cinnamon roll left. “Was that with a capital I?”

“Yup.” Sheppard sipped his coffee. “So eat up. You‘ll need your strength.”

“Crap.” Rodney drank some juice and considered his options. “I‘m not military.”

“So?” Sheppard pointed at the cinnamon roll. “Maybe you should save that for later.”

Rodney groaned, elbowed Zelenka in the side, and got to his feet. “Battery‘s dead on that laptop.”

“I picked it up earlier. Will bring another later.” Zelenka moved his tray slightly away from Lorne. Sheppard laughed, and Rodney stomped over to bus his tray. Trying not to clutch his cinnamon roll, he headed back to his room without waiting for Sheppard. There was still no guard, and he seriously considered making a run for it, but instead, he made some coffee.

“Okay, first you‘re due in the infirmary.” Sheppard pointed down the hallway. “So move it.”

“Great, just great.” Rodney looked around twice before he realized what he was doing. “Can we stop and pick up my jacket? I feel naked without it.”

Sheppard nodded but yanked him out the door. “Today, okay? I do have a real job.”

Frowning, Rodney considered reminding him that he was the one insisting on them going together. A detail could‘ve escorted him. “Okay.” He walked faster than usual, grabbed his jacket from his room, and put it on as they continued towards the infirmary. “That‘s better.”

“Like your armor, huh?”

“People stare.” Rodney blushed as soon as he said it. He figured they were laughing at his belly, and he‘d rather not give them a look. “Are we there yet?” he muttered, vowing to keep his mouth shut around Sheppard from now on. All the mushy talk was making him look more stupid than usual.

Carson was deep in conversation with Keller when they got to the infirmary, and Rodney saw no reason to interrupt them, ever.

“When can I pick him up?” Sheppard asked loudly.

Keller smiled. “Give us an hour. Why do you smell like bacon?”

“He ate the last of it.” Rodney pointed at Sheppard, who was already fleeing. “Seriously.”

“We all appreciate what you did for Elizabeth,” Keller said, escorting him over to the scanner. “Now lie down.”

Carson grinned, moving into position so he could see the results. “Do what the nice doctor says, Rodney. I want a look at that big brain of yours.”

“I guess I can take time out of my busy schedule of staring at the wall.” Rodney held perfectly still until it had gone over him twice. Stretching, he worked the kinks out of his back before sitting up and yawning. He tried not to notice the pointing and soft doctor talk because after bacon the day had to go downhill.

Keller smiled while she took blood. “Headache?”

“Not yet.” Rodney anticipated one later. “I don‘t have a tumor, right?”

“Right.” She slapped on the bandaid. “Remember what happened yet?”

Before he answered, he tried to think. Shutting his eyes, he blocked them out. A vision of Elizabeth‘s face swam around, and Sheppard was there, and … he‘d called someone? Pain shot through him the instant he thought of it. Clutching his head, he would‘ve fallen to the floor if she hadn‘t caught him.

“Carson!” she yelled, and Rodney convulsed, losing control of his arms and legs. Part of him was screaming for help, but the other part was drooling. Agony ripped through his eye, and he dimly felt a needle hitting his arm.

“Get him on his side.” Carson‘s voice boomed, and Rodney curled, feeling his stomach protest. He breathed through his mouth, praying he wouldn‘t barf bacon. Luckily, the world went away before that happened.

*********

“You awake?”

Blinking rapidly, Rodney wasn‘t sure. He felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to his brain.

“Carson, is he awake?”

“Aye, talk verra softly.” Carson was close. “His brain must feel like mush.”

“It does, thanks,” Rodney whispered, trying for more volume and failing. The lights were dimmed, but he could make out the outline of Carson and Sheppard. “I‘m gonna die, aren‘t I?”

“I certainly hope not.” Carson smoothed a cool towel over Rodney‘s forehead. “Feeling a mite better?”

“Tired,” Rodney said. He could feel drugs in his system, making him sluggish. “I can‘t remember,” he mumbled.

“Don‘t worry about it, buddy,” Sheppard said very softly. He clasped Rodney‘s forearm. “Get some sleep.”

“You guys are great,” Rodney said, or he hoped he said it. He couldn‘t stay awake another minute, but it seemed like a mere blink and he was staring at the ceiling. Gingerly, he rubbed his face, not even trying to sit. It was a good sign that he was hungry, and he tried to look around the darkened room. “Sheppard, that you?”

Someone was slumped in a chair, but he came over fast enough to make Rodney blink a few times.

“I was starting to think you were going to sleep forever.” Sheppard helped him with a sip of water. “I‘ll get your doctors. They aren‘t happy.”

“What‘re they complaining about? I‘m the one with brain damage!” Rodney winced at his own complaining. He was far too loud.

Sheppard smiled. “That‘ll teach you. Now stay calm.”

“Food?” Rodney said hopefully. “Please?”

“I‘ll go get you some jello or something.” Sheppard might‘ve patted him before walking away, but Rodney wasn‘t sure of anything. Two migraines – he‘d barely recovered from the last one, and if he had another scheduled this week, he was crawling under a rock and refusing to come out ever again.

They descended on him like locusts, and he was far too weak to fight them off. There was no talk of him being shuffled back to his cell, and he was mildly grateful for that, since he wasn‘t sure he could walk.

“I‘ll go make a report to Woolsey,” Keller said. “You get him back under the scanner.”

“Will do, lassie.”

Rodney let them bully him with minimal gripping. He didn‘t want to know who had put him scrubs, and the floor was cold as hell, and if Sheppard hadn‘t shown up with jello it all would‘ve been too much.

Back in bed, jello in hand, Rodney would‘ve told them exactly what he thought of their minimal abilities but his grey matter ached. “Please tell me I‘m not going to have another one.”

Sheppard looked at Carson. Carson looked nervous, and Rodney knew his brain was going to burn out before the end of the week.

“I‘m so dead.” Rodney had said it before, but it had to be true again, and this time he wasn‘t brilliant enough to save himself. “Just tell me now while I‘m too tired to scream.”

“You have nanites in your brain,” Sheppard said in a voice that could only be described as somewhere between firm and horrified.

“Son-of-a-bitch,” Rodney gasped. The jello hit the floor with a thunk, and he didn‘t care. Carson and Sheppard both started talking fast but Rodney couldn‘t really hear them. He saw their mouths moving, but the sounds made no sense. Elizabeth had done this to him, and he‘d known she‘d been a bit angry about a few things over the years, but there was no way he deserved this! Sheppard gave him a small shake, and Rodney met those eyes. A few honest words wouldn‘t kill him – nanites were going to take care of that. “You were right. They never compared to you.”

Sheppard‘s brow did a weird crinkling thing. “You need to breathe.”

Rodney gave it a try, but there was no reason to work at it. He was dead. Carson put an oxygen mask up to Rodney‘s face.

“Several deeps breaths, lad, and then Dr. Keller and I will try to explain. Colonel Sheppard will be stepping out.” Carson cut him a glare. “Now.”

“Yeah, I‘ll find you some coffee.” Sheppard put his head down and disappeared out the door. Rodney wanted him back, if he was going to do the dying thing, again. God, it sucked to die.

Carson pulled the mask down, and Keller showed up, and Rodney grabbed the oxygen and took a deep breath.

“Rodney, you‘re not going to die,” Keller snapped. “Men. I swear. I told you to wait!”

“Colonel Sheppard opened his bloody mouth!”

Keller tapped Rodney on the forehead. “Now listen to me. Elizabeth – I can only assume it was her – from what we can tell, put a block in your brain.”

“I don‘t think he‘s breathing.” Carson tapped the mask. “Rodney!”

Forcing his lungs to work, Rodney took a deep breath.

“She left nanites in your hypothalamus to make sure you never remember what happened to her. We think.” Keller always sounded slightly apologetic. “I know this sounds crazy, but is it possible she did this before she was exiled?”

“What?” Rodney tore the mask down.

“You could trigger an attack by trying to remember,” Carson said. “So don‘t.”

“What?” Rodney looked from one insane doctor to the other. “Have you two lost your minds?”

“It does sound rather odd.” Carson laughed nervously. Rodney seriously considered pinching himself because there was no way this wasn‘t a terrible nightmare. Carson poured him some water. “Drink.”

Rodney sipped it and then ventured a question. “I have nanites in my brain? You said I didn‘t!”

“They‘re not putting out their usual energy signature. Dr. Zelenka had to adjust the sensors, but yes, you do. We don‘t think they‘re replicating. It‘s like she left a dam-”

“That‘s trying to kill me!” Rodney got it now, and he didn‘t like it one bit.

“Do you think she manipulated your desire to help her? Made you disobey orders?” Carson asked it all so fast that Rodney had no idea how to answer. Rodney wasn‘t going to blame this all on her, not in a last-ditched effort to save himself. He shied away from thinking about it at all. His brain had been through the wringer. The ache in his neck and the back of his head made him grimace, and he realized they were staring at him.

“How can I know? And I don‘t want to think about it. Ever!” He winced, slumping into the pillow and trying to hide from them. “Go away.”

“Get some rest. We‘ll talk again later,” Keller said, and Rodney didn‘t even want to look at her. She‘d let him down too many times. Sheppard never had, sure he laughed and made jokes, but that was different. When push came to shove, Rodney knew that Sheppard would be the one standing with him.

“Rodney,” Carson whispered, “this is your chance to stay on Atlantis.”

“I know, but if I think about it, it‘ll hurt, and this one was worse in some ways.” He was so damn tired his bones ached. “Tell Woolsey the truth.”

Carson made a grumbling noise, but Rodney was done.

*********

“This isn‘t my cell.” Rodney stopped outside his own door. “I‘m almost certain. Sure, my brain is full of nanites that have robbed me of an unknown amount of I.Q. points, but this does look familiar.”

Sheppard leaned against the doorway. “Woolsey‘s worried your big brain will explode.”

“Which you encouraged.”

“Yup.” Sheppard swiped the door open. “You still can‘t go to work.”

Rodney went inside, grateful to see his things. He pushed off his shoes and sat on the bed. There weren‘t too many times in his life that he‘d been speechless, but this was one of them. He had no idea what to say or think. It‘d started off so simple, and now he had nanites in his brain.

“Thanks.” He waved his hand just to have something to do.

“You going to be okay?” Sheppard didn‘t seem as if he were in a hurry to leave, but Rodney had nothing for him. “Rodney, you‘re going to be fine. Just don‘t ever think about, well, that stuff.”

“Woolsey is freaking me out.” Rodney wasn‘t sure why he said that, but it was true. “Why doesn‘t he just tell me what he‘s thinking?”

“He came by to see you in the infirmary, but you were puking, and he ran.” Sheppard might‘ve smirked. “This galaxy is freaking _him_ out.”

Slipping his jacket off, Rodney threw it at the chair. He‘d dressed to walk to his quarters – what a busy day he‘d had. “This galaxy‘s motto is: no good deed goes unpunished.”

Sheppard tilted his head. “That sounds about right. Quit moping, and I‘ll bring you lunch later.”

Making up his mind quickly, Rodney reached far enough to grab him around the wrist. “Why are you always here?”

“It‘s my job.” Sheppard stressed the last word.

“No, it‘s not. After stunning you a dozen times – I did warn you not to go – you should‘ve written me off. Thrown me out. Cast me aside. Clapped me in irons!”

“Stop!” Sheppard glowered at him. “Did you want me to do all those things?” He twisted his arm free.

Rodney wanted to touch him again. That‘s what he wanted, and all his genius and future-predicting hadn‘t prepared him for so much wanting. “You were right. I broke up with them because of you.”

“Great. I get to live with that guilt too.” Sheppard bolted out the door, gone in a flash, and Rodney nearly let him go, but there wasn‘t a guard. Moving as fast as he could with a still aching head, Rodney ran after him. Expecting him to be halfway to the transporter, Rodney crashed into him right outside the door.

“Ow!”

“You‘re fault!” Sheppard took him by the shirt and dragged him back in his quarters. “You have to stay put!”

“Don‘t leave then,” Rodney said softly, wishing he didn‘t feel that way. He didn‘t want to complicate their friendship, but something already had. “Or go away and don‘t come back.”

“You‘re breaking up with me too?” Sheppard looked amazed. Rodney stared back at him, also amazed – amazed that he felt that way. Somehow he‘d missed the fact that they were all but dating. They did the movies, the beer, the late night talks, hell, he‘d even gone surfing once.

“I‘m the reason you don‘t date!” Rodney had to sit down, and he bumbled his way over to his bed so he could fall on it. “God, we are a sad pair of fools.”

“Now that I agree with.” Sheppard sighed and put his hands on his hips. “I‘m know I‘m a crappy friend, but sometimes, it‘s just … easier to make a joke.”

“No, you‘re good. Really.” Rodney pointed at his head. “Hey, nanites. I was saying stuff that was … just stuff.”

Sheppard rubbed his forehead. “Right.” He pointed out the door. “I do have a meeting.”

Rodney was done talking, maybe forever. Shock was working it‘s way around his body, and he needed a minute to think. “Lunch?”

“Lunch.” Sheppard didn‘t run, and Rodney didn‘t chase after him this time. They had a date for later. Rodney flopped back flat on his bed. They had a date. This galaxy was totally messed up, and he liked it here. Laughing, he got up and began puttering his room, cleaning and organizing. He put on some music and tried not to worry about Woolsey making him leave. Sheppard wasn‘t going to allow that, and for the first time, Rodney both believed it and understood why.

“Dr. McKay, please report to Mr. Woolsey‘s office. Dr. McKay.”

Putting his jacket and shoes back on, he made sure he looked halfway decent before leaving. Several people gave him a funny look in the hallway, and he raised his chin a little higher. Yes, he had nanites and was officially a pariah, but they could get over it.

Chuck handed him some coffee. “Thanks for saving her,” he said.

A clump lodged in Rodney‘s throat, and he nodded, taking the coffee. He had half of it down before he got to Woolsey‘s desk.

“Have a seat.” Woolsey pretended to be going through papers, but Rodney wasn‘t fooled. This was nothing but bullying. He drank his coffee, staring into the cup and making up his mind not to talk about things that would hurt him. Woolsey finally looked up. “It‘s been brought to my attention that you might not be entirely responsible for your behavior. What do you have to say about this?”

Rodney crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “Nothing.”

“I received a report from your doctors.” He emphasized the plural. “It‘s alarming, to say the least.”

There wasn‘t a question there, so Rodney clamped his lips shut so he didn‘t babble. He would not think about Elizabeth in any context but fond old memories. She had looked good in red, and he‘d cared deeply for her.

“I can‘t let this slide. You broke so many regulations that I had to start a new folder.” Woolsey sighed loudly like he always did. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“I have reams of material, but in the interest of, oh, my brain not exploding, I‘m going to skip it!” Rodney got to his feet. “I‘m not sitting here and discussing this. Do what you want with me. I don‘t regret – whatever I did.”

“I knew Dr. Weir rather well.” Woolsey enunciated each word. He fiddled with his pen, not looking right at him. “She was a fine diplomat and administrator.” He hesitated and then rushed on, “You‘re not leaving this base. Report to the infirmary every morning before you go to the lab – that‘s an order.”

“Okay.” Rodney wanted to dash out before the other shoe dropped. “And?”

“Colonel Sheppard is quite upset with you. He promised me that you‘d feel suitably punished when he was finished.” Woolsey smiled in that way of his with no teeth that was scarier than a frown. “I‘m not going to show you my report, but this matter is concluded. Don‘t think of it again. Please. I like your brains in your head.”

For a second, Rodney thought Woolsey might be trying to make a joke, but that wasn‘t possible. “So, I can go to work?”

“Today? No. Tomorrow, yes.” Woolsey opened a file folder – archaic man. “Report to Colonel Sheppard‘s office.”

“Great. Just great.” Rodney wanted to hug himself, but he wouldn‘t do that in front of anyone. He left while Woolsey wasn‘t talking and ended up back near Chuck. Chuck raised his eyebrows, and Rodney coughed, embarrassed. “Sheppard has an office?”

“I heard he has meetings in the armory sometimes.” Chuck furrowed his brow. “He pulled me out on the balcony once and told me to keep my feet off the equipment.”

Rodney blinked. “You had your feet on the console?” he yelled.

“Of course not,” Chuck lied. “Hey, maybe Major Lorne knows? Now he has an office. With art on the walls and everything.”

“Forget it.” Rodney glared before turning away to find Teyla. She‘d know, and he could hug Torren once or twice while no one was looking.

Teyla blinked and then frowned. “An office? Are you sure?” She looked at Ronon, who was hogging Torren all to himself. “Ronon?”

“Why would he need an office?” Ronon laughed as Torren held on to dreadlocks like reins.

Rodney slumped down in a chair. “I‘m tired, and no one knows where his office is, not even him I‘d bet.”

Laughing, Teyla touched her ear. “Colonel Sheppard, what is your current location?” She nodded after a brief wait. “I am sending Rodney to you.”

“Wait a minute!” Rodney had planned to go hide in the pantry.

She gave him that look. “He is in the small armory on level ten. He said to bring food.”

“He was supposed to bring me lunch!” Rodney protested. He could see that it wouldn‘t do any good, but he was going to complain anyway. “I‘m the one that‘s been sick!”

“Buck up, McKay.” Ronon gave Torren a small stick to wave about, and Rodney indulged in glares that meant nothing before stomping off to the cafeteria. Sheppard was perched on a stool in the armory, staring at a datapad, when Rodney managed to get the door open.

“Hey.” Sheppard didn‘t offer to help, and Rodney nearly threw the piled food at him out of spite. Dropping the trays the last two inches on to the table had to suffice, but he was glad that Sheppard caught the muffin that threatened to hop away. “Woolsey gave you the business, huh?”

“I‘ve been looking for your office for hours, after being ordered there!” Rodney said through his teeth. “Where the hell is your office?”

“Dunno. Did I get assigned one?”

Rodney was sure he saw the tiniest smirk playing at the corner of Sheppard‘s mouth. “Asshole,” he muttered, pulling up his own stool and sitting down to eat. He was starved, and he‘d eat instead of throwing ammo at the man in charge of making him regret whatever it was Rodney had done and never, ever, wanted to try to remember again.

“Scared about what I‘m going to do to you?”

“If you want.” Rodney kept his eyes on his food. Right on the tip of his tongue were a few truths about humiliation and being forced to earn Sheppard‘s trust and Jeannie making sure there were plenty of stories to keep him ashamed, but he swallowed it all down with his mashed potatoes that were slightly orange. “Are you going to laugh at me while I jump through hoops so you‘ll trust me again? Because I don‘t mind the hoops as much as the laughter!”

Sheppard crossed his arms. Not an answer, but Rodney took it at face value. He was screwed, and everyone on the base would laugh their ass off at him before Sheppard would pronounce himself satisfied, and Rodney could hide in his lab. It might‘ve been easier to ship out on the Daedalus.

“Your eyes are heading toward wild and crazy.”

Glancing up from his food, Rodney looked in those green eyes – hazel? – and moments they‘d shared flashed through him. Fights, laughter, bullets, arrows, movies, death: and Rodney faced the truth squarely. He wouldn‘t give up whatever crazy relationship he had with Sheppard for anything.

“Whatever you want is fine.”

“You‘re scaring me a little.” Sheppard nudged the other muffin over to him. Rodney took it, but he made sure to sigh sadly.

Carson picked that moment to bustle through the door, tray in hand, and co-opt the other end of the table. He grinned. “Woolsey have a piece of your arse, Rodney?”

“No, he handed my arse to Sheppard with his compliments. Woolsey doesn‘t want to be responsible if my brain oozes out.” Rodney leaned into his palm and picked at his food. Waiting for his doom was going to be hell on his appetite. He should‘ve been nervous and starving, but instead he only felt resigned to his fate. “Let‘s make a pact never to discuss what happened again.”

“Deal.” Sheppard pointed his fork at Rodney‘s plate. “Eat.”

“We won‘t discuss it.” Carson shook his head. “Yer brains might dribble out.”

“Oh, shut up.” Rodney flicked some potatoes at him, catching Sheppard‘s quickly hidden smile. Carson rolled his eyes but didn‘t return fire. Rodney peeled the paper off the muffin, eating it very slowly. No reason to rush to his doom. 

“You see, Carson and I think you‘ve been punished enough what with all the barfing and other stuff I don‘t want to think about, but we gotta come up with something, or Woolsey will think I‘m slacking off.”

“Wouldn‘t want that,” Rodney drawled.

Carson shook his head. “No, you wouldn‘t. He might toss you back in that wee cell.”

“God, no, I about went nuts!” Rodney pointed at Sheppard with the remains of the muffin. “Just tell me, okay? I can tell from that dirty smirk that you have a plan.”

Sheppard took the last bite from Rodney‘s hand and popped it in his mouth. “We need to keep you out of Woolsey‘s sight for a few days, and then when you do see him, try to look miserable instead of your usual smugness.”

“I can do miserable,” Rodney ground out between clenched teeth. “But that‘s not it. I know you.”

“There are a few other things.” Sheppard glanced at Carson. “If you think he‘s fit.”

“Give him another day, and then aye, but go slow.” Carson didn‘t smile. “Rodney, do you really think we laugh at you all the time?”

“You do.” Rodney shoved his tray away and crossed his arms. Random thoughts chittered through his mind, and he picked one at random. “Sheppard, did Zelenka fix that power problem?”

“Something on level eighteen over on the West Pier was doing it. I walked around, thinking ‘off‘ for longer than I like to remember. Must‘ve worked.” Sheppard shrugged. “I need to learn more Czech.”

Rodney could agree with that. He surveyed his tray and wished for coffee. He needed coffee, lots of it, if he were going to face Sheppard torturing him. “Is this starting today or tomorrow?” He could use a nap, if they weren‘t going to let him go to work where he belonged. Sheppard didn‘t answer, and that was a good thing. Carson went back to eating, and Rodney wondered if he could make the door. A few very long minutes passed, and Rodney had never wanted to run away any more than right now.

“Are you sure those nanites won‘t replicate?” Sheppard asked out of the blue, and Rodney felt his jaw unhinge to hang slightly open.

“Positive,” Carson said in that voice that should be reassuring but never was. “The little buggers won‘t give him any trouble, unless he tries to remember … that stuff he shouldn‘t.”

“Oh, that makes it easier not to think about it!” Rodney put his hands over his eyes. “Not thinking about it. Not thinking about it.”

“You‘re taking over inventory for the next month,” Sheppard said loudly. “Every bullet, every block of C-4, everything.”

Horror at the idea swept through him, thrusting aside every else. “That‘s … just … mean!”

“I suggest you cut back in the lab. Counting bullets takes time.” Sheppard had this wide-eyed innocence about him that was infuriating. “Especially after target practice.”

“No! No target practice! They‘ll … use bullets! And I‘ll have to recount!” Rodney pointed a shaky hand at him. “Tell them to forget it!”

“Now, Rodney, practice makes perfect. We‘re having war games on the mainland next week. You‘re in charge of ammo.”

Carson started laughing. “Better than counting cotton swabs!”

“I should‘ve thought of that!” Sheppard grinned. His grin suddenly shut off. “Of course, he‘d spend the time drooling over Keller.”

“I thought they broke up,” Carson said, looking at Rodney. Rodney felt like the top of his head might blow off. He searched for curse words that would convey the depth of his anger.

“Oh, they did, but Rodney is still carrying a torch for her.”

“I am not! I broke up with her!” Rodney got to his feet and yelled at them both. “And it‘s all his fault!” He pointed at Sheppard and seeing the shock on Carson‘s face made a break for the door. It didn‘t open. “Let me out!”

“Not until the inventory is done.” Sheppard sounded perfectly calm. Rodney leaned his head against the door and began to gently pound. He was trapped, and he had to count bullets, and he had nanites, and he liked Sheppard. Liked John. In a way that he shouldn‘t. Not because they were guys – he‘d done that in college, and maybe once or twice with Jonas Quinn – but because Sheppard would never stop laughing about it.

“Settle down, Rodney.” Carson put his palm in the way of the banging. “I‘ve known you have a crush on Sheppard for some time now, so don‘t be worrying about it.”

Protesting seemed like the best way to go. “I do not. If I liked him, I‘d have told him about the thing, and I didn‘t, so there.”

For three good seconds, Sheppard said nothing. “You didn‘t tell me because you _do_ like me. You knew I‘d get busted back to captain.”

“That, and I knew you‘d say no,” Rodney mumbled, wishing he could deny it vehemently. “And I am not discussing this further with either of you.” He flashed to memory of Elizabeth smiling, saying something, and his head began to pound. Sliding down to the floor, he put his head in his hands, and cursed her. “Damn you, Elizabeth. I did it for you.” The pain subsided a bit, and he took a deep breath.

Carson and Sheppard were kneeling on either side of him, concern etched on their faces. “Maybe back to the infirmary for today,” Carson said softly.

“I‘m okay.” Rodney looked right in Sheppard‘s eyes, telling him the truth suddenly more important than the ache. “I did it for you too. You loved her, and I wanted to make it right.”

Sheppard swallowed hard. “I know. Now shut up about it.” He lay his hand on the back of Rodney‘s neck and squeezed. “Seriously. Shut up.”

Trying to turn his brain off, Rodney shut his eyes and took a deep breath. The mild pain receded as he focused on nothing but the heavy hand on his neck.

“Rodney?”

“It‘s better,” he whispered, not wanting to move. “Blue skies. Blue skies.” He could do this, and slowly the ache faded away – stupid nanites. At least cursing at them was a pain free thought. Carson and Sheppard helped him to his feet, and he tugged his jacket, needing some security. “You two get the hell out. I have bullets to count.”

“Hey! This is my office!” Sheppard protested, but he smiled. “And, um, Rodney? There are three armories.”

“I know, you moron. Out!” Rodney handed him his tray. “Carson, go find some mice to torture.”

“For that, I‘m taking my turtles when I leave.” Carson picked up Rodney‘s tray also and left with his head high. Sheppard backed out more slowly. Rodney could tell that Sheppard would be back soon enough. When they were gone, Rodney sat down on the stool and looked around at the bulging shelves. It‘d be hell, but he‘d fix this mess.

*********

“Your system is shit.”

Sheppard turned to Lorne. “Major, did you hear something?”

“No, sir, I didn‘t.” Lorne looked right through Rodney, who was not amused in the least with their juvenile antics.

“You put me in charge, and I _am_ in charge. I‘m not some green lieutenant to be intimidated by your tendency to fondle your guns when confronted by superior intellect!” Rodney snapped his fingers three times. “Now sit your asses down while I explain the problems and go over a few solutions that you may choose from before I decide to create a magnet strong enough to strip this base of all guns and dump them in the ocean!”

“I think he means it, Lorne.”

“Shit.”

Sheppard yanked a stool over and sat down with all the grace of a sullen child. “If I have to listen, you do too.”

“Thanks, sir.” Lorne plunked down and glared. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

“It was your idea!” Sheppard motioned at Rodney. “Go ahead. Lecture away.”

Rodney did, and he didn‘t spare them details, and he didn‘t stop until they started to actually look green around the edges. Wherever possible, he quoted actual examples of incompetence to back up his claims, and that kept Sheppard listening.

“That was not my fault!”

“Of course not,” Rodney drawled. “Now, you can get out of my way and let me fix all this, or you can put up a fight, which is it?”

Lorne got to his feet. “Permission to run for my life, sir?”

“Granted, you coward.” Sheppard waved the door open and then shut it behind him. “I‘ll authorize the changes, but once you‘ve achieved your goal of making it as difficult as possible you have to teach the system to the jarheads that I rotate in and out of this job.”

“Rotate? Something as important as bullets!” Rodney tried to look as scandalized as he felt. “Did you even go to officer training?”

Sheppard sat up very straight and slapped his hand down on the table. “No! I‘m a damn pilot!”

“Oh.” Rodney belatedly realized that he might‘ve hit a nerve and tried to take it all back. “Well, you‘re a fine commander, and I‘ll fix this, and then train people, and then you‘ll tell Woolsey that he can stop glaring at me?”

“He‘s glaring at you?” Sheppard snapped.

“Um, yes?” Rodney thought it was the nanites, and he didn‘t want to talk about it. “Can you pick someone to be in charge down here and then he, or she, can decide who to punish with the actual standing and entering the data?”

The skin above Sheppard‘s nose furrowed – a bad sign. “That‘s Lorne‘s job, and the thought of you training him makes me think I should disarm him first.”

“I could take him.” Rodney returned the grin Sheppard gave him. “Okay, pick someone else. Female, pretty, and nice smelling are my base requirements.”

Sheppard‘s eyes turned sharp and his face closed off, and Rodney swallowed hard. He didn‘t understand what was going on between them – what he‘d set in motion – but it was scary when Sheppard made that face.

“Male, handsome, and not bad smelling?” Rodney tried again and saw instantly that he‘d failed again. “Ronon?”

“You like him?” Sheppard spat and then blushed. “No, don‘t tell me. I had asked him before, but he‘s not good with our base ten numbering system. He says it‘s stupid.”

“He has a point.” Rodney pulled a stool over and sat down. “Not Cadman.”

“I‘ll give it to Sergeant Mehra.” Sheppard shrugged. “Dusty will cut your balls off if you drool on her.”

Rodney went slightly pale. “She scares me.”

“She scares everyone. I heard that her and Ronon fell into bed one night and-”

Throwing up his hand, Rodney waved him silent. “Please, I don‘t want any visual images.”

“Two cats in a bag.” Sheppard smirked. Rodney rubbed his eyes and tried not to think about it. He wasn‘t very successful. Sheppard came around the table. Rodney heard the door lock snick and edged backwards. His lips were suddenly very dry, and he knew – just knew – that Sheppard was through waiting.

“I thought you‘d decided to hate me after we banished Elizabeth. You know, the straw that broke the camel‘s back.” Sheppard‘s voice was low, harsh. “You turned away, first time for that, and I knew I had finally gone too far with your trust.”

There was no time to think of a good answer. “There is no too far with you.”

Brown eyes went wide and Sheppard scooted closer. “Now that‘s scary.”

“It is.” Rodney nodded his head so hard his teeth rattled. “I tried to make it go away when I dated Jennifer. Didn‘t work.”

“Was that what you were doing?” Sheppard rolled his eyes and slid his hand around Rodney‘s neck, pulling him so close that Rodney broke out in a sweat. “So, Rodney, we clear on the fact that neither of us hate the other?”

“Yeah,” Rodney hoped his voice hadn‘t gone up into the higher octaves. “So you‘re over the whole stunning thing?”

“Yup.” Sheppard made sure their foreheads were snug together, and Rodney could barely breathe. He didn‘t really need air when their lips met, and breathing was highly over-rated compared to kissing Sheppard.

When it ended more or less naturally because Rodney nearly fell over, he said the first thing that popped into his head. “I‘m not a patient man.”

“I disagree.” Sheppard unlocked and opened the door before Rodney had wiped the drool away. “I‘ll be available when you‘re finished with this job.”

Rodney watched him stroll away. “I‘ll be done in about an hour! Call Dusty!” He grabbed up his tablet.

“Rodney?”

He turned and frowned from reflex. “Here to get your turtles?”

“I thought you could use some help.” Carson rubbed his mouth and spread his hands. “Look, I dunno how to say this, but-” He stopped.

Sitting down hard, Rodney stared at him. “Is it the nanites?” Panic thrust away the rush from good kissing.

Carson shook his head. “Rodney! No! Breathe!” He caught him by the shoulder and gave him a shake. “I wanted to say I‘m sorry. I‘ve been a right bastard.”

Shock replaced panic. He rubbed his chest. “Well, you have!”

“I know. I don‘t have a good excuse like Sheppard. It‘s just-” Carson stopped again. “I‘m not your Carson, and I know you miss him.”

“But-” Rodney couldn‘t stop his hands from waving around. “You are, just not, and I‘m sorry.”

“So am I.” Carson smiled in a shaky way. “I might‘ve taken out some of my anger on you.”

“You think?” Rodney waited to smile until he saw a spark in Carson‘s eyes. “I could use some help. Sheppard said he won‘t … talk to me until I finish.”

“Oh, look, boys hugging.” Dusty slouched against the door. “You two gonna make out?”

“No!” Carson jumped away right before Rodney pushed him back.

“Shame. Okay, I‘m here. Let‘s work, or I‘m going to have to hurt you both.”

Moving behind Carson, Rodney made up his mind to get this job done as fast as humanly possible. “Yes, let‘s get busy!” He would keep Carson between him and Dusty.

Rodney had to wait longer than he wanted – longer than he thought possible. It only took him two minutes to decide on the plan he wanted to follow. Another hour to impress on Dusty and Carson how they could both learn and help. A week later, staggering, Carson having deserted him days earlier, he turned the master tablet over to Dusty.

“Screw that up, and I‘ll find a way to kill you.”

Dusty patted him on the cheek. “Damn, you‘re cute.” She touched her radio. “Sheppard, I‘m cutting him loose.”

It took another ten minutes of forever before Rodney was standing in front of Sheppard‘s door. Sheppard jerked him inside.

“I don‘t like waiting.” Sheppard ripped Rodney‘s shirt off with one long pull.

“So don‘t.” Rodney nuzzled into Sheppard‘s neck. “Not on my account.”

“Not again.”

“Deal.”

*********

the end


End file.
